Ask A Therapist: How does a therapist take care of their mental health?

In Ask A Therapist, our therapists answer questions about therapy, mental health, and healing practices. Today, Rachel answers the question: How does she, as a therapist, attend to her own mental health?

Rachel has availability for new clients - connect with Rachel at RKaffey@RoomToBreatheChicago.Com.

Connect with Ramya at RamyaMK@RoomToBreatheChicago.Com.

Interview transcript {edited for clarity}

Ramya (she/her): All right, hello everybody. Welcome back to our segment of Ask a Therapist. Today, we have Rachel. She is one of our newest clinicians on staff. I'll let her introduce yourself, introduce herself, so that y'all can get to know her.

Rachel (she/her): Hi, I'm Rachel. I use she/her pronouns, and I am based here in Chicago. I am a new clinician. I graduated from Adler University last summer with a dual degree, a masters in clinical mental health counseling and a masters in forensic mental health. So my passions really lie at the intersection of the criminal justice system and the mental health system. I'm also a queer clinician, so I'm really passionate about work with the LGBTQ+ community, particularly trans and non binary folks, as we navigate a very challenging time in our society, and I think that we can all really benefit from creating community and having support.

Ramya: Yeah. Well, what a great and thorough introduction. Thank you. I didn't know you graduated from Adler. I graduated from Adler, too, actually.

Rachel: Oh, really? I didn’t know that about you either.

Ramya: Yeah, I got my doctoral degree from Adler.

Yeah. Okay, so what is your topic that you picked out for today? 

Rachel: I believe that I selected, how do I as a therapist attend to my own mental health?

Ramya: Hmm, always important. But I feel like, especially now.

Rachel: Yeah, no, I agree. It's something that I've always been, like, super cognizant of when doing this work, and is also something that brought me to the mental health field was my own journey in learning how to process things, work through things, my own challenges. I started my therapeutic journey as a very young person, so that has also kind of influenced the trajectory of the type of work I want to do and who I want to work with. I'm passionate about working with teenagers, young people on things related to mental health. I think that we're in this, like, really interesting era where young people are more comfortable talking about things related to mental health, seeking services like seeking therapy. It was still like a little taboo when I did it, like, it was kind of one of those things that you like, oh, you don't want 100% say like, oh, yeah, I'm going to therapy.

Ramya: Yeah, yeah.

Rachel: Yeah, exactly. So now I think that it's, like, much more talked about, thankfully more accessible. So my own journey, I think, has, like, really brought me to wanting to do this work in general. 

And then, yeah, I guess like attending to my own mental health does look like me having my own personal therapist. I think it's really important for therapists to be in therapy as well. 

Ramya: Oh yeah, yeah. 

Rachel: Like, we hold so much for other people, and it's important to make sure that we're keeping on top of how we're holding space for ourselves too. So I love my therapist. We do a lot of great work together. She's definitely been like a very helpful support in my journey through graduate school, through entering this field, and it's helpful as a therapist to be able to talk very openly about your own mental health with another therapist. 

Ramya: Yeah, yeah.

Rachel: I love therapy. 

Ramya: Yeah, yeah, I do too. It's been incredible, like personal and professional support. I think it's super important. 

Sorry, something just came up. Okay, there we go. 

It's super important to make sure that we're attending to ourselves and honestly, that we're kind of putting our money where our mouth is, like if we're expecting our clients to be genuine and authentic and engaged with their resources and their own mental health, I think we should be doing that too, first, actually, right? If not all the time have already, like, at least, already have experienced it in some way, if not continuing, because then how can we really speak to people about living their best life and creating a version of themselves that serves them at this point in their life. 

Rachel: No, exactly, I'm very, like, passionate about being a person who like practices what they preach. When it comes to like self care, like I'm not just, you know, using that buzzword and talking the talk just to, like, appease my clients. It's also very much a practice that I try to uphold within myself. And I think also too, like, learning my own ways of defining self-care has been really helpful, because I think, like, buzz words, right? Like we hear that term and we're like, oh, I have to go get my nails done or like, oh, I should just take a hot shower, and it's like, yeah, those things are great and lovely. But self care also is beyond just those kind of, like physical spa day type, kind of, like fantasies that we sometimes think about.

Ramya: You, like, took the words right out of my mouth. I mean, it's more than just, like getting your nails done and getting a facial. It can also be making sure all your doctor's appointments are scheduled out and you're actually attending to them, like making sure you're getting your blood work done, like you said, like attending therapy, making sure if you're on medications or vitamins and supplements, making sure that they're all working the right way, like, I don't know, getting out of bed and washing your face and brushing your teeth some days, that's all, yeah, like, some days that's all a lot of us can do is just make sure that we're fed, that we drink water and that we like cleaned ourselves, and that's it. And that's okay.

Rachel: Yeah. And I feel like I'm like, constantly, kind of like reframing that for clients too, to be like, hey, like, we gotta start at like, the bottom of the needs pyramid, right? Like, you need to have food, water, shelter. Are those things being met? Okay? Then we can move on to like, how do we maybe do things that are more creative, more restorative? At the end, you gotta have your basic needs met first, right? Like, people don't realize, oh, self care is that I'm eating meals every day. Oh, it's that I'm like, have a bottle of water ready, as I'm losing my voice…I need my own water, perfect plug.

Ramya: Yeah, you're good. 

Rachel: But, yeah, no, just kind of going back to basics. Like, I think that's a conversation that I’m like continuously having, even just with myself, too, about, like, okay, if something's feeling off today, like, what are some of my basic human needs that I might be neglecting? And like, nine out of 10 times it's like, I'm thirsty or I'm hungry.

Ramya: 100% like, or a tired is a big one for me, like I know I can't regulate my emotions when I'm really tired or I haven't slept well, and that's when I end up being super irritable or picking fights for no reason, or feeling like I can't get through the work day or taking my meds or eating well, whatever. So I think we underestimate how important all those things are, like our just basic survival needs. 

Rachel: Yeah, I think that especially too, because obviously we, like, live in a society that, you know, prioritizes productivity over rest, that it can often feel like, okay, well, I'm just like, running on autopilot, like I have to do all these tasks. And it's like some of the very like, biological needs often, sometimes get neglected, and then we're like, Why do I feel crappy? And it's like, you're not fueling your own sense of like, being a human.

Ramya: Right. And like, to our listeners and potential clients out there, I'm sure most of us do not have a perfect schedule down. If something like that even exists, it's always a work in progress. And so, I guess I want to reiterate the point that we're also human. I know we're therapists, and we present a certain way in the therapy room or the Zoom Room, but it's a constant work in progress day to day and self care or taking care of your mental and physical health looks very different day to day.

Rachel: 100%, every single day is its own, you know, unique challenge of what do I need to do to attend to who I am in this moment? 

Ramya: Right! Something that I try to guide my life with, and something that I share with clients a lot is: most people would never let their phone battery completely die out before they would charge it. Or most people would never let their car gas tank to get to completely zero before they fill it up. So why are we doing it to ourselves? 

Rachel: Right, why would we do it to ourselves. No, exactly, yeah, I love a good therapeutic analogy.

Ramya: I know, me too.

Rachel: It's so fitting, though, because I feel like those are perfect examples. I often use the whole like, filling up your cup type metaphor, of like, okay, but if you're completely empty and there's nothing in there, how are you going to feel good, like there's nothing in your cup.

Ramya: There's nothing left to like, get you through, a schlump if you will. There’s nothing to get you through a bad moment or a difficult moment, if you have absolutely nothing left, yeah? Because if everything's at zero, then that's an emergency. If your car stalls out in the middle of the road because you have zero gas, like that's an emergency, that's crisis, and then we're just running on adrenaline. We're not, you're not, the best..yeah, exactly.

Rachel: Yeah, no exactly like that.

Ramya: If there was one really important thing that you do for yourself, for your mental health. What would it be? Or what is it? I guess.

Rachel: For me, I am an animal lover, so I have a dog and a cat, um, and making sure that I have quality time with my dog is honestly very like, the basis of my self care, like, because I know, like, obviously he needs to go out and, you know, be walked. And for a while it was like, Oh, that sucks. Like, you know, winters in Chicago, like, who wants to walk outside? But then I realized, like, oh, getting outside three times a day, and walking is actually so good for my mental health, and I'm spending time with my cute dog. So I think that, like, the structure and the love and affection that comes with being a pet owner is, like, very crucial to my mental health. 

Ramya: Well, and it's, you know, that animal depends on you for everything, and so it almost gives you a little, like, accountable, for doing those things too. 

Rachel: Yeah, because it's, like, even on my, like, bad days where, like, I don't want to leave the house, I don't want to, you know, walk after you and pick up your poop. Like, he doesn't know the difference. That's his daily life. And like you said it’s on me.

Ramya: He doesn’t care, he just needs his basic needs met. 

Rachel: Exactly. He just needs to go outside. He needs to be fed, and, you know, I took on that responsibility when I decided to get a pet. And it really, it kind of, that underlying motivation for accountability, of like, how I need to show up every day, because it's not just me that I'm caring for. It's another being. 

Ramya: Yeah, um, I'll share a couple things that I do that I love too, like, it is a lot about getting fresh air. So even if I don't have time to go out and get a walk or whatever, I'll go stand out on my balcony for five minutes. Or just go, like, stand right outside my front door for five minutes and just breathe in fresh air. Or I will literally lay on the ground and stare at the ceiling for a couple minutes, because it helps me feel grounded to the earth, to things around me, gives me a moment of quiet, maybe in an otherwise chaotic day or environment. And it really just is the simple things. So I think the theme of what we're talking about today is really, when you're struggling to take care of yourself or struggling with your mental health, go back to the basics. Go back to the basic survival needs, and go from there. 

Rachel: Yeah. And also, something that I love to think about too, when going back to the basics, I'm like, What would you as a child, like, what would your child version want? Like, I also am a big proponent of laying on the floor. And I feel like that's very childlike, like kids are rolling around on the floor and they don't care. And I think like, even if you're just like laying and existing on the floor, like there's something that's igniting that, like childhood sense of play and like not caring about the space that you take up and like, I think that's very, very healing to just do small, little silly things that, like adults feel like we shouldn't do, but like….

Ramya: Yeah, or rather, that we've been conditioned not to do for one reason or another. 

Rachel: Right. But it's like, who's going to tell you no? Like, you get to exactly what you want in your space. 

Ramya: Okay, well, let's stop there. I feel like we could talk for hours on end about self care for ourselves and people around us, maybe we can continue this in another time, or pick up different ways to do mental health and physical health, self care. But for today, we'll stop there. Hope our listeners got a little bit out of it. 

I think Rachel has availability. So if you're interested in therapy, please reach out to her. She's awesome, and we'll see you next time on Ask a Therapist. 

Rachel: Sounds good.